


Darlin

by orphan_account



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Self Harm, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:03:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1654424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There's nothing else I can do,<br/>But love you the best that I can"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darlin

**Author's Note:**

> based of a headcanon at jonissheadcanons
> 
> Self Harm TW; italics are Johanna's inner monologue

Katniss had seen Johanna naked many times before, but she had never been this close.

She was crouched over, her head in between Johanna's thighs. She was about to lower herself to Johanna’s center when she caught sight of something out of the corner of her eye. Something she had never noticed before. Johanna, who had previously been whining at Katniss for being slow, noticed she Katniss’ eyes trailed. Johanna jumped back on reflex, stuttering out a feeble, “Katniss, it’s not…”

Stormy gray eyes that were filled with lust less than a minute ago were now filled with questioning and sincerity. “It’s not what, Johanna?”

Johanna ran her hand through her hair and sighed, “I just...I’ll be right back.” She jumped off of the bed and avoided Katniss’ gaze and she stumbled into the bathroom. The slammed the door behind her, locked it and leaned against it, breathing heavily.

 

_No._ Her knees weakened.

 

_No. No._ She slid down the wall.

 

_I can’t. Not again._ Her eyes trailed to her thighs. She could barely see them. Her vision was watered down. But they were still there. Faded.

 

She squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t sure if Katniss was saying something. All she could hear was a loud ringing in her ears. And voices. Those goddamned _voices._

She covered her hand with her hands, trying to block out the world. But that made it worse. Thoughts raced through her mind and even through the darkness of her eyelids she could still see those fucking scars.

 

**_Weak._ **

 

That word. That _fucking_ word. “I’m not weak.” Johanna growled to nobody. Maybe it wasn’t nobody. Maybe she was telling herself. Unfortunately, Johanna not easily convinced. “I’m not. I’m not.”

Her hands gripped tighter, yanking at her choppy hair. Pulling. “I’m a fucking victor. I’ve killed people. I lost everyone I loved. I...I lost everyone.”

She slammed her head against the door, choking back a sob. She didn’t feel the pain. Not over everything else. If anything, it blocked it out.

 

She slammed her head against the door again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

The voices faded. _Faded,_ she thought. _Like my scars. They’re faded. Memories._ The ringing that was now in her head was from practically bruising her skull. _Scars. Battle wounds. That’s what Finnick called them._ She choked back another sob. _Finnick._ One scar wasn’t as faded as the others. Not yet.

_Battle wounds. A battle against myself._ Johanna had been in many battles. She was her still toughest opponent. But when she was against herself, she was weak. _Weak. If I’m so weak, then why am I so hard to beat?_

She slumped. Her head throbbed. She finally opened her eyes, colored dots filling her vision. The ringing stopped. She finally remembered something. Somebody. _I lost everybody that I loved._

“Katniss,” she croaked.

“Johanna, please let me in.”

“Can’t. Move. Head. Throbbing.” _Exhausted._

“Please, just reach up and unlock the door, I’ll come to you.” Katniss pleaded. Johanna blinked. Her body moved by itself. She reached above her and fumbled with the doorknob, eventually unlocking it with a click. She toppled backwards when the door opened. “Johanna!”

Johanna just lay there, staring up at Katniss. “Hi.”

Katniss collapsed down next to Johanna and tugged her into her lap. Johanna instantly felt a warmth rush through her and shivered, not realizing how cold sitting naked on a bathroom floor was. Neither of them said anything. Katniss just held Johanna.

Katniss had seen Johanna naked before, but never this close. Never this emotionally close. She had seen Johanna strip. Rarely stripped of her bravado; not since that day during training. This was worse. Deeper. Johanna was getting over her fear of water, with Katniss’ help. Johanna couldn’t get over the fear of herself. Katniss didn’t know if she could help.

“Why?” Katniss’ voice sounded loud against the piercing silence.

Johanna shrugged and moved her head to rest on Katniss’ chest. She listened to her heart beat. She mumbled one word. _“Weak.”_

Katniss furrowed her eyebrows. “Weak? You think you’re weak?”

Johanna bit the inside of her cheek and nodded, tears silently streaming. Her nails clawed at Katniss’ shirt, gripping it tightly. Like an anchor. Katniss pressed her lips to Johanna’s head, which was still throbbing slightly. “Johanna,” she mumbled into her hair.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re literally the strongest person I know.”

 

_There was nobody left that I loved. So, I found somebody._

 

 


End file.
